Good luck to Paul!!
I'll defo keep reading this
<3 Hayley Williams <3
Ivorav misses first press conference after late night rampage
Face down on a plastic plate, is Ivarov fit to be a football manager ?
The new Blackburn Rovers manager missed his first organised meeting with the national media after a night of horrific exploits and carnage alone. The Russian was last seen by locals leaving a Blackburn nightclub at 1:25am, heading towards the towns red light district. The same morning at approximately 6am he was spotted by two elderly joggers who found him head down on a park bench with whisky and narcotics littered all around him, he was later arrested by police before being bailed.
Carted away: GMP take the Russian to the nickGreater Manchester Police
Ivarov has been detained then bailed following a string of offences during the early hours of yesterday morning, he is also suspected to be in connection with a spate of vandalism in the the city centre area and crimes against the miss use of drugs act. After interviewing the suspect we were still unable to conclude where and what he was doing between the hours of 2.30AM and 5AM.
It is thought that club owner Paul Venky is aware of the incident but is not keen on taking matters any further. Ivarov who is still struggling with speaking English refused to comment and is expected back in court on the 19th of August which falls on the same day as Blackburns opening league fixture against Tottenham Hotspurs.
Former Everton,Arsenal,Charlton,Rangers,Blackburn,Ipswich ,Sheffield Wednesday,Newcastle Jets,Motherwell and England international Francis Jeffers who has just joined the Match of the Day pundit team had this to say about the incident.
It's a disgrace
Back in the day: Jeffers partying hard with his natural good looks
Last edited by *CHOPPER; 11-04-2012 at 12:01 PM.
Blackburn yield the axe
More worries have surfaced at Blackburn Rovers after a further 9 players left the club today leaving a threadbare squad of 6. In order to have enough players to complete the tour of rural Russia Ivarov has sanctioned the temporary signing of 5 Korean youth players from an unknown club in the South Korean 3rd Division.
Marcus Olsson > Toronto FC > 500k
Martin Olsson > Bolton > 2m
Gael Givet > Espanyol > 2m
Vuckevic > Tom Tomsk > 1.5m
Hanley > Everton > 2.8m
Goodwille > Panithanikos > 3m
Blackman > Wolves reserves > free
Petrovic > Released
Vince Grella > Released
Owen Coyle delighted at picking up Olsson from the bargain bucket
Thanks for all the feedback
At the front.
Sig worthyOriginally Posted by Ivarov
Glenn Roeder is unveiled as the new England boss after winning his fight against depression following his relationship break up with Heather Mills (formerly married to Paul McCartney) 'She threw her wooden leg at me and made me eat cheerios off the floor'. Roeder has been signed a 3 year deal with the F.A
The saga into the unknown ages of Nigerian footballers continue. It's believed Kanu is 42 and Taribo West played well into his 50's but after recent medical tests it's revealed that Fulham midfielder Dickson Etuhu is 61. The mayhem is due to the eradication of birth certificates during the 20th century in the African country.
And finally Robbie Savage has been working in conjunction with Nottingham Trent university to develop ways of streamlining footballers to run faster. The new 'Cabbage flaps' are said to take 0.5seconds off every 30 meters run by footballers. Theo Walcott is expected to be the first high profile player to use the flaps.
Cabbage flaps: Already proved a hit with Savage
Last edited by *CHOPPER; 11-04-2012 at 04:57 PM.
Etuhu is 61 and Walcott using cabbage flaps
<3 Hayley Williams <3
Exclusive Ivarov interview with Steve Ryder
First I would like to delve into your upbringing, what was it like, give me the idea for the texture of your home life
Rough, very rough
My mum emigrated to Nepal and my dad wasn't good at mothering me
I had a calm up brining in the Cheshire countryside living in a big balls 9 acre estate
Did they call you Steve 'Big bawls' Ryder ?
No, so Blackburn what do you make of all these players leaving ?
In russia we have a word for those people' пиздас '
A bit harsh don't you think ? What sort of players are you looking to bring into the club ?
I have little money, I like experience and brittleness
Any news signings imminent ?
YEAH I JUST BOUGHT THOSE KOREANS DIDN'T I ?
.....yeah, yer, yep you did, but are they good enough for this level ?
are you good enough for this level ?
Ok, I see, that'll do for now.
PIPE DOWN AND GET OUT
Rovers have set off to their Siberian base camp where he takes his 11 players and assistant manager Finidi George to a 'brutal' prison camp for vigorous training. The club have still made no more progress is signing any proper players and are still operating without a goalkeeper.
Ivarov addresses murmurings in the press
No, I am banned from playing in any league ground in Western Europe after being taken to court by Mark Viduka when he appealed against my actions at a league game in 2009. It was mostly disregarded by the press but I will still deny the rumours that I excreted in his boot bag and will fight for justice, JUSTICE.
(The ruling does not effect Ivarov managing in Britain)
Viduka 'It happened, I've still got the proof'
Last edited by *CHOPPER; 12-04-2012 at 03:37 PM.
At the front.
Justice for Ivarov!
Liverpool FC - Gillingham FC - FC GroningenLotus F1 Team
THE TOUR OF RURAL RUSSIA : SIBERIAN BASE CAMP
Players training in the snow before Bradley Orr losses the ball & Ross Kemp shows off his tender torso
Ivarov has taken his squad of 6 players (12 when you add Finidi George and the 5 Korean youth players)to his home country Russia to build fitness and team morale. The abandoned prison where they are housing themselves for the next week has not even the bare necessities of modern day living. Their is no sewage system and and water can only be accesed through the melting the snow, as kettles are a far cry from civalisation the players have to sit on the snow then lick it up off the wood chip benches. David Dunn wasted no time in complaing
Ivarov only brought one football with him to Russia and it burst after Bradley Orr tried playing a through ball to Finidi George but over hit it and it pierced against the prison bars. The Russian manager claimed inspiration for the Siberian training camp after watching Ross Kemp get put through his passes by neo-Nazis on the BAFTA award winning programme 'Ross Kemp On Gangs'. 'I need my players to become hard, hard like Ross Kemp, hard like Thomas Graverson...Hard and mental.... that's a good mix' said the Blackburn boss.Club captain David Dunn
Their is extreme then their is super extreme (strokes chin) This is neither, it's worse, it's unimaginable. I mean, the Koreans are fighting each other over gambling disputes and i'm fairly sure the foreign boys, Formica and Rochina have got frost bite. I got a splinter in my tongue licking up the snow, they really didn't carve up the wood well did they ?
One of the Koreans send his son out for a jog in ball stranglers and trainers
Wow this is great stuff, I just wish some of it was true haha!
I want to go, go for the goal, don't stand in my way, don't try to stop my I'm going ahead, right to the top, give All I got, I'm a winner and winner's love winning a lot!
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